Living with Synchronicity

It is amazing what I just realized. There has been a strange synchronicity in how loss happened to me. Repeated dates and days connect the three paternal figures in my life - my father (Baba), his brother and my uncle (Jethu), and my father-in-law (my acquired Baba). Baba and my father-in-law decided to say goodbye on a Friday. While Jethu chose Wednesday. Baba wanted to lead the path by choosing Friday,17th December 2010, followed by Jethu on Wednesday, 11th March 2015, and my father-in-law on Friday, 13th February 2026. 

Coincidentally, this year, 11th March, when Jethu bid goodbye, was again a Wednesday! Also, it is the 11th year since then.

As I dig deeper into the relationship I shared with all three of them, they were my innate source of affection, the kind I will not get from anywhere else. It is not just the loss of a father figure that is making life feel different; it is more the feeling that I will not be loved as a kid by anyone in this world. 

Today, it is again a Friday and a 13th, and my father-in-law has been gone for a month now. I am not feeling sad as he is happy sans all the earthly pain he was in. But I am a changed person...feeling a little insecure and scared that I will be less loved in this world. 

Marriage was supposed to make a lot of difference to me, but it did not because of my father-in-law, who instantly took me into his team in the household. He became a strict instructor at times and taught me how to cut and chop vegetables distinctively for the dish, while he also became a friend, sharing his army life stories and experiences over a cup of tea he would make for both of us. He had always been my only safe space in that household. Going back there now will feel awkward and new. 

The synchronicity that Baba, Jethu and my father-in-law displayed in death may have had more meaning while they lived. I will let time unfold those and amaze me, and keep their spatial presence around me always. 

Aquired Baba flanked by Jethu on the right and Baba on the left. 

Images do mean a lot!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

19th and looking beyond!

Image
 This is it! I said to myself. Growing up in a milieu of knowing that we live to work, earn and have fun, the grown-up me was facing a new meaning to life....MARRAIGE! I never knew or was told that this would eventually happen. But it did, and how!  A 24-year-old me, had no concrete plans charted out, professionally, yet persuasive enough to contribute meaningfully to the world around me and if possible, beyond. And knowing what makes me happy, continue to give time, no matter how much, to my happy space. Life was good, bad, ugly and all of that. Then came the windfall moment. This guy pops up to curtly share his feelings and intention to marry me.  I have been a kind who rarely gets perturbed by romantic approaches. But this was a different kind that intended to directly place me at the altar. I took time, but one chance feeling that having a companion who doesn't want to change me and repeatedly keep my way open to leave him if I ever feel trapped, overpowered my ration...
Read more

Life...Loss...Wisdom

Image
There are many moments in life that change our perspectives and the person we are. Growing old is not about the number, but the experiences and such moments. As I inch towards turning 40, I also complete a decade of loss of Baba. It was on this date 10 years back when he decided to just leave.  Life and death are for real. This has been my life lesson. At 30, losing a parent in a blinking moment din't at all seem real. I had spoken to him that morning, as a routine. As I was rushing to punch in to my office on time, he was narrating his peaceful and relaxing morning moments with his newspaper and tea. I had told him, how desperately I was waiting for my retirement. Those last minutes I spoke to him remain so vivid in my minds, that his physical non-existence still feels unbelievable. the next moment I heard about him was from a stranger calling from his number to tell me that he has met with an accident. Since that moment I have been fighting to believe that there is thin line betw...
Read more