Life...Loss...Wisdom
There are many moments in life that change our perspectives and the person we are. Growing old is not about the number, but the experiences and such moments. As I inch towards turning 40, I also complete a decade of loss of Baba. It was on this date 10 years back when he decided to just leave.
Life and death are for real. This has been my life lesson. At 30, losing a parent in a blinking moment din't at all seem real. I had spoken to him that morning, as a routine. As I was rushing to punch in to my office on time, he was narrating his peaceful and relaxing morning moments with his newspaper and tea. I had told him, how desperately I was waiting for my retirement. Those last minutes I spoke to him remain so vivid in my minds, that his physical non-existence still feels unbelievable. the next moment I heard about him was from a stranger calling from his number to tell me that he has met with an accident. Since that moment I have been fighting to believe that there is thin line between life and death.
The past 10 years has been not just a been an emotional span of upheaval for me, but a physical and professional as well. My persistent dreams of him crossing a bridge, at times, standing on that bridge, and sometimes just waving from the other side of that bridge, and feeling of him keeping that warm palm over my head, has helped me sail through these times. I have been lucky to have my father around me always- in life or in death.
What, however, have changed is the way I take his presence. I have finally made this journey of not able to believe in the eternal truth of death, to that of living with memories and reliving some of them through my cooking, or life lessons to my daughter, or just living life in those terms that he used to and would have lived. Its indeed not in life, but in death that our ancestors end up teaching us more. My 40, if nothing else, has made me this wise to continue living and release those fragile threads to free Baba and let him be wherever he wants to be.
Images are like jewellery boxes that we often open to check each piece while reliving the memories attached and then keep it safe back in place. Some of those images that I truly relish are here.
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| In Kanyakumari - December, 1984 |
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| The last time we were clicked together- Chandipur, October, 2010 |
I could also connect to every word.Daughters are always Dad's darlings and a daughter is incomplete without her dad,age doesn't matter.But inevitable is that we always feel his presence around us
ReplyDeleteSo real and touchy....loss of parents is a lifetime unbearable loss to any of us and its true that we value them and learn more after their death.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true and heart touching.
ReplyDeleteTrust me after reading first paragraph I found everything is so hazy then realized my eyes are filled up with water or tears don't know. So nicely you have penned down your emotions dear totally can connect with each word. I lost my Baba in 2017 and I feel he has decided when he wants to say bye. Still I get goosebumps that my journey from Mumbai to Kolkata airport to home and just got 15mints. All says he was just waiting for me. But trust me neither here left me nor I. Yes long time didn't hear his voice, long time didn't chat or demand anything. Huh you make me nostalgic and emotional so you can understand how good you have written. Love you
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