Growing Up is Overrated

"Growing up is overrated"- One of my daughter's t-shirts had this written on it. I resonated so much with that. A part of our existence continues to live in childhood. We continue to live and relive it as we age. I have been particularly lucky in having lived a childhood worth creating memories. It has been a desire for the longest times to chronicle that, so that I don't lose that memory in the process of ageing. 

Kohima, is the town of my birth as so is of my siblings. The character of this town is so intrinsic in all our personalities, that every tenth word we speak, when we are together, is something around Kohima and our lives lived there. I grew up in Kohima along with my three brothers- Abhijit, Biswajit and Surajit- aged in the same order as mentioned here. While each of us are characteristically different, we perhaps share a similar trait of living in the past. We value our upbringing, yet accept the shortfalls in it, we proclaim our likes and dislikes openly yet accept the differences of others around us, and most importantly we love our drinks and times together. 

While growing up among siblings who cannot be challenged academically, where I always stood out was in the context of the affection given to me by our parents, Baba and Jethu, to be precise. And this did cause a lot of heartburn among them, as I din't have any particular reason to be the apple of their eyes. Not that attractive, lookwise, or personality wise, not that bright student as was expected, and no such behavioural traits that stood out. But then why??? As I grew up, the only reason we all could figure out was as petty as- I was the only girl in this generation, and the youngest. Quiet lame, but made the world around me simply wonderful.

I lived my childhood in a bubble, where I was made to believe in being special. A 70% marks in 10th would be a reason for celebration at home, while the state rank holder brothers would be made to feel scoring a 90 something as their duty. While Durga Puja would mean a set of 10 dresses for 5 days for me, for them a set of one trouser and shirt was a norm. While Rs. 50 would be allotted to me as an allowance, they would have to divide Rs. 100  among themselves. And many many more reasons that cannot be recounted. I loved it then, and realize what it did to me later. It made me unprepared for the world outside my home.

Comes a time, when all the brother are out of Kohima, to their engineering expeditions, and my world crumbled suddenly. I had none to go to around me. I was in 9th grade, in middle of my teens, and no friends in school. I had made my first friends at age 15, in school. Realized how awkward I was without my brothers around in school. That confidence that I bore, just because my home felt I was awesome, slowly broke, as I faced situations alone. The protective shadows were all gone. I was bare to the world.

I learnt the ways of life late. This made me angry within, and I grew to detest everything my brother did. I chose not to follow them, in both thoughts and actions. And so I did, as I chose my academics differently. I bore this anger for the longest time, till I aged enough to understand that, it was not anger, but I missed them dearly, and wanted to pull myself out of that situation.

My childhood lasted much longer than it does normally for others. Today as we four are almost living our 40's, I still feel that same protective cover when together. Our holiday last year was one time, I was transported back to the times in Kohima, when we all were together. It's so easy for me to time travel, when with my brothers, that age 40 actually feels merely like a number. The person we become at childhood, always stays alive within us. A part of our existence lives in our childhood. Thats been the person, I primarily am. Always wanting to be under that protective shadow, and always believing that, that bubble created by my family is un-perishable. 

Today is Bhaiphota, the most celebrated festival in my house as a kid. I relive my childhood this day as years rolled by, without actually spending the day with my brothers since the longest time. To dadabhai, dada and chorda, thanks for being those invisible pillars around me, all the time, as I grow older, in age, but feel like that child when with you three. 

Happy Bhaiphota to you!! May all your wishes come true. Stay in good health. 

Some images that travel times, but not the age...

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